Cartoon Zeroes (With Short Story)

More about Cartoon Zeroes (With Short Story)

CARTOON ZEROES
By P.V. Tims

I love cartoons. Don’t you? All those bright, resplendent colours! All those happy endings! All those larger than life heroes and pranksters who always win against the forces of repression and tedium! How could anyone NOT love them?
Well, the thing about cartoons – the big secret that nobody wants to talk about – is that they’re real. Because, well, everything is real, isn’t it? That’s the Many Worlds interpretation of Quantum Mechanics for you: if something can happen, somewhere in the infinite multiplicity of divergent space times, it actually DOES happen. Hold onto that thought. It’ll be relevant later.
My favourite cartoon, as a child, was ‘The Inhuman Triangle’, which concerned a superhero with a pyramid for a head battling evil across the Million Worlds. I loved the stories and jokes and the zany shenanigans, but most of all, I adored the Million Worlds themselves. There was a new one in every episode! Worlds where it rained upwards and worlds where the skies were solid diamond, fractured into a million glittering constellations; worlds where rainbows were solid and people built cites upon them and worlds where sandships sailed infinite deserts. My favourite, though, was the world of Jubilance, with its lapis and pink mountains, its mirror-perfect rivers, its heliotrope, rococo cities and its eternal, amber sunsets. I had a cassette with all the Jubilance episodes on it. Sometimes, I’d pause on a scene that showcased the whole landscape, then look between my television and my window; between the cartoon world and the grey, miserable, rainy reality outside. I’d wonder to myself ‘Why can’t I live on Jubilance? Why am I stuck HERE?’ The only answer was the sound of my parents arguing furiously next door.
Well, the question stayed with me into adulthood: why can’t I live on Jubilance? Answer: I can! I told you before about the Many Worlds Interpretation. Well, I’ve devoted myself to it. As a scientist on the cutting edge of fundamental physics, I’ve given every waking moment of my adult life to bridging the gap between this reality and others. But my greatest triumph I’ve kept hidden, for fear of ridicule. See, I’ve been building a machine that can translate my three-dimensional self into the two-dimensional, cartoon world of Jubilance: a machine that could broadcast me into a new reality, yet one as familiar as my own home. Exactly one month ago today, I turned on the device for the first time. And now here I am, talking to you out of your TV screen.
There’s a problem, though. I can’t get back out. I’m trapped in cartoons. I can move between Jubilance and other cartoon worlds – even into other TV series – but the real world is denied me. It’s easy to lose a dimension; impossible to gain one back.You seem like a bright lad. Can you do something for me? It’s really very important. Can you contact my colleagues and tell them what happened? I’ll tell you the number… right after this commercial break!