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Two Siberian tigers sit near one another in a peaceful calm. The pair seem happy to soak in the nature as a white capped sea just after a storm clouds seem to break. They look over a small bluff producing mist from waves crashing upon it. it over looks a very beautiful greensand beach, somewhere in the south pacific. This appears to be set on an island with jungle vegetation, including many beautiful flowers and fruits trees. There are sparse lava flows in abundance dotting the island island paradise. Fantasy realism, mixed medium, ink washing, watercolor, fine charcoal, fine ink detail. Dynamic lighting effects, including subtle rainbow in the mist as it rises over the cliffside.
My rough edges are showing ever more obvious. I am still aggressive, yell, roar, antagonize, I pleading with myself once again...
Patterns that claw at me, I have come a long way, yet far to go. One step peeling back a bit more of my cage.
I gain space from these patterns, allow my mind to grow. I know I am still too far from an acceptable phase.
I am a bit too prickly, my rough edges show. I know In the moment I must let them go. Balance has never felt so good, yet I still am not done, edges must be let go. Old habits must die, where's my balance?
I have asked myself many times to let them go. Still they show. Healing takes time, I must allow for mending to take place. I know I must make time alone, in nature. Maybe with another one that I truly wish to spend time with. I know it will take time for her to join me, she also prepares for the same.
I must let go of my yelling, and lost ways. I make mountain out of mole hills. In this way I am still in the woods. I must do better, I must not allow others to make me feel as if I am a disgrace.
It is never more clear, where I live hasn't been my home for quite sometime. I see my ugliness when I reflect anger, it is sadness, I cannot hide.
I will make steps to distance myself from this place, from these ways. For me to heal I must have my own place, time, intention, nature.
I will not bring this trauma, I will let this go. I meditate on my mirrorball.
Over a dance of many lifetimes we loose each other across chronological divides, only to find one another. In lives spent together I know only truth of cosmic patterns. I must do better, I know I will drop these ill fated patterns in self induced sabotage. Could it happen quicker? Rushing it will make it only worse.
While I am disappointed I was able to be goaded one more time on this dystopic carousel. I realize this same carousel led me to find my soulmate.
Although I know allowing this pattern to control my actions is stilly. I see I am able to regain balance, smoothing more quickly then ever before.
My partner gives me strength to fix myself. I never have been so grateful to have found the true reason I have been placed on this planet. For my whole life I questioned why I have been here. While mending isn't like flipping a switch, it comes in waves.
As I re-center myself, I dream of a future so serene.
The same mistakes made but new understanding gained. Once again grace washes over me, I feel peace come back to me stronger than before.
Forever Loved,
Aaron Baker
PS. I try, try, try once more. Nothing comes easy in this life of mine. Healing my inner child is no different. The only thing now that is I am confident in my healing, knowing it's tied to yours, unbreaking, rebuilding. Cocooned, now I know your hand to be proud in mine is what my soul craves.
1 Nature View Dedicated 4 Taylor Alison
11ov3 Aaron David
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