Bucking Traps

More about Bucking Traps

Feeling sad for myself no more. I see now my trap I set for myself. I allow the goading because I am used to feeding on the antagonism.

I see myself engage with rage against my past. I feel shame. Not forgiving myself, not allowing myself to let it go. I cling to pain like armor, even in the moment I know it to be wrong.

Why allow yourself into this situation? Why allow yourself a path of cold blooded ghosts?

I can no longer feed this monster. Yet as I commit to this in my mind I know in the moment I will be pulled back. In that moment must have strength, a not going back. Pleading above allow me grace to keep my way.

I may not feel sorry for myself. I must fight my ne'er-do-well thoughts. I must disuse my bad habits in order for them to die screaming.

I cannot do it without help. I know I am not well enough, not healed yet. I must have space from a self imposed pressure. A subtle pace no more inner strife coddled by family spite. Do not feed the monsters!

The only way I could face this path is with the help I have received. I must no longer crush myself with self pity. I will loose all I wish for if I cannot let us grow.

My fathers demons are not mine, I must allow the strength in my love to draw the line.

Love For Ever More,
Aaron Baker
Civitasvox

PS. I need some rest. In the bleak and dark I don't give up. I cannot expect anyone to do my work. My foolishness is sometimes off this earth. A troubled life must not rob a promise in a future so right. I ask for deference in my troubled frost, you built me a fire now my warmth is not lost.

Down Bad 1 Dedicated 4 Taylor Swift 1ov3 Aaron Baker.