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The most dead and alive I’ve ever ever felt. The most embraced and rejected I’ve ever felt. The most hope and shame I’ve ever felt. The Bionic abilities. The fine line between freedom and choice vs. the unknown horrors of following meritocracy to a fault. The militaristic programming. Injuries are not real, they’re a “mindset.” Building products called “athletes.” Corporate battles with children and young adults. The ‘cult’ of “world champion.” The titles. The medals. The rings. The.. - The lack of ‘YOU’ by the end. The loss of identity, community passion, schedule, activities, pride, etc. The damage within yourself that you’re left to repair. The 10s of thousands of dollars in physical therapy bills ahead of you. The concern/shock people express when they hear about the journey and your mental map on pursuing greatness. Learning that gaslighting, stonewalling, and multiple forms of abuse were used and described as “love.” This picture is the energy of allstar cheerleading at its highest level.