Self Tenderness

More about Self Tenderness

I indeed bungled the plan, I can see your gestures and it rips me up knowing my lethargic past left me as a tarnished man, yet a unseemly outburst, damn!

Now I undo, redo, would you break this delicate trust? Focus on balance. Remember your teachers, rebound. Trust yourself, build others. My pent up anger is shameful, I bear it all? I own it. I need my path cleared no more workless ways.

Knuckle busting, I must ease my aggression, I stifle, I scream at myself, but I know. That is just self harm. Break this cycle.

I tell myself I didn't live up to my standards I have set for myself. Sorrow falls over me. I look at this life, why do allow myself to be so stuck, a tear rolls down my face. I wipe it away. She doesn't deserve this delicate of a partner. I must redouble my effort, sorrow can't be fixated upon, abandon your old ways.

No more gates kept, nor can I justify aggression when those seek to challenge my pain, my hunger. You deserve better, am I going to allow myself to be a fouled soulmate? I sigh. No more clinging to failure, I can only hold myself to blame.

Marinated upon I am the only one that cares as much as I do about me, I must build trust with a care for you. I can't allow a frustration to bubble and create turbulence. If I do it would just harm me then you.

I have avoided my obligations so long I fear I am a failure that is in a bit to deeply enamored with the wrong. I put myself in peril and paddle my way out. I can't be so reckless when another is counting on me, I must protect your trust in me.

You can't relate? With this mess who could blame?

I place trust in you, I wish to take the leap, I must inspire the same. My patterned failure is a cycle of behavior, I feel deeply a change I must embody. I know I must unbreak, there is no other way. I must have time to scream my old habits to death, I know deep down I beg for it. I look at myself in the mirror why do you not get it? Why do you cling to this pressure, this stress, this self antagonism, well I think deep down it has been my system for self reflection.

The internal battle is felt, I see that my love of you has given my another path for this self improvement. Stop consuming conflict like crisps, feeding on frenzy. I must meditate on peace. I calm, easier said the done, in the moment you must do better. I find a way to confront my pain, I deserve the change. Allow my self to feel this pain no more fear of it.

Loved For Ever More,
Aaron Baker
Civitasvox

PS. Creating a mantra warding this for it keeps creeping back in like some sad clown chasing a harlequin. Your queen must heal her pain too. A bit unfair to demand it without self care. This just perpetuates the cycle. I must compel myself to change. How could you be her rock if you will not let go of your ghosts? I sigh, no more bad blood, allow yourself to feel.

Down Bad 1 Dedicated 4 Taylor Swift 1ov3 Aaron Baker