#healthreport

Vitality Unveiled: A Health Report Presentation

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  • Prompt: BREAKING: Gavin Newsom hilariously trolls Donald Trump over his MRI scan and absurd health claims with a fake "physical" that calls Newsom the "healthiest human currently alive or recorded in medical history." And it gets so much funnier... "As part of Governor Gavin Newsom’s annual physical, we conducted advanced imaging of his cardiovascular, musculoskeletal, and neurological health. I’m pleased to report that nothing about the Governor’s health is merely 'normal.' Governor Newsom remains the healthiest human currently alive or recorded in medical history," the report, released by Governor Newsom's Press Office on X, reads. It attributed the Trumpian medical claims to Dr. Dolittle, a fictional physician who had the power to speak to animals. "His cardiovascular scans are the best we’ve ever recorded — his arteries were described as 'shimmering,' and his resting heart rate was so steady the EKG machine asked if he was 'meditating or just naturally enlightened,'" the post continued. "His bone density is exceptional (a radiologist briefly wondered if we’d scanned a redwood), and his brain imaging showed no issues other than an unusually active region associated with intelligence, multitasking, and being wildly productive before sunrise," it read. "While we do not typically comment on the health of other elected officials, we are aware of a letter released today from the White House claiming that President Trump is in 'excellent health,'" it went on. "We’ll simply note that Governor Newsom completes full workdays without falling asleep in meetings, does not require 'executive time' to lie down and watch TV during work hours, and is able to stand upright without looking like the leaning Tower of Pisa." "If a side-by-side health chart were released, we recommend redacting it for the President’s emotional well-being." "Governor Newsom remains the healthiest person alive and ever to live. Please direct follow-up questions to my office," it concludes, signed at the end by "Dr. This Is A Joke." As usual, Newsom's joke nailed the bullseye. Trump has been dogged recently by questions about why he underwent an MRI scan, a nonstandard imaging process that is usually conducted because there are medical red flags. His doctor claimed that the scan, supposedly done of his chest, was "perfectly normal” with “no acute or chronic concerns." Trump's doctor also ludicrously claimed that the obese, 79-year-old president is in "excellent overall health" and made no mention of the increasing signs of dementia on displaid
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