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Artist
Members of Congress, thank you for pretending to listen.
I’m running for office because someone has to fill the chair.
My platform is simple: lower expectations, raise snacks.
I promise transparency — not honesty, just windows.
I’ll fix the economy by asking it nicely.
Infrastructure? We’ll put motivational posters on every broken bridge.
Taxes will be fair: everyone pays, nobody understands how.
I vow to work across the aisle, mostly to borrow pens.
This election isn’t historic — it’s Tuesday.
Vote for me, because at least I admit it.