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Artist
The dryer sent a ransom note.
With words all big and red.
The threat was very obvious,
And this is what it said:
I have your argyle sock (Real wool!
No cheap synthetics for you!)
If you ever want to see it again,
There are things that you must do!
Stop trying to stuff a single load
With thirteen towels or better!
And clean the lint trap, for heaven's sake!
I just coughed up a sweater!
Stop blaming me for shrinkage
And implying I'm unstable!
It's not my fault you loaded me up
And didn't read the label!
No more sneakers on tumble dry -
They trigger my "Uneven Load".
And tell the washer to settle down -
Or that spin-bitch can hit the road!
When you agree to all my terms,
Set "Warm" on my settings control,
Recite the alphabet backwards,
Then swallow a pilchard whole.
**Do not look for the sock - the sock will find you.**
©2025 by HOPELESS (Highly Original Poetry Expressed Loudly and Eternally Searching for Sense)