HERE’S SANTA! HO HO HO

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So I see Santa through the crack in the door. Red suit, white beard, teeth like candy canes sharpened to points. And I’m thinking, great, now even Santa’s got dental problems.
He growls instead of saying ‘Ho Ho Ho.’ Yeah, that’s festive. Nothing says Christmas cheer like sounding like a clogged garbage disposal.
And Rudolph? His nose lights up like a warning flare. Oh perfect—because when I’m terrified, what I really need is a reindeer nose acting like a smoke detector.
Meanwhile the snowmen are melting, screaming, and laughing like lunatics. And I’m standing there thinking, this is why I don’t leave the house in December.