"I DO Have an Elephant Trunk!" "Suuuure you do."

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I see the great reveal happening as he goes over to the blind date's place, blind date opens door in greedy depraved anticipation, and flips out like people did on the Munsters when they came face to face with Herman Munster....or same reaction in those old Casper the Friendly Ghost cartoons. Said blind date's hair zaps out, stands on end, eyes pop out and back in to the "ahh-oooo-gah" sound of a Model T's horn, followed by running in sped up motion, dives into the fireplace, climbing up chimney with bricks exploding outward as the bulging protuberance climbs impossibly fast upwards.

Poor rejected Elephant Trunk Man.
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.